Alan Shore ([info]alan_shore) wrote,
2005-12-07 00:35:00
  • Mood: accomplished
Tell me, Brad--and this is something I've always wondered--how many Hail Marys are required as penance for hacking off the fingers of a member of the clergy, and does it vary with the number and location of the digits?

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  • 24 comments

[info]brad_chase

December 7 2005, 08:07:10 UTC 6 years ago

Same amount of zeros you provided a person who was doomed to fall between the cracks. Tito Perez and Mr. Kirk needed someone. That day, God looked upon the grey area and saw that it was good.

[info]alan_shore

December 7 2005, 13:38:42 UTC 6 years ago

It's good to know that even in the midst of dismembering priests your disconcerting fascination with my doings persists.

Really. Is that official doctrine? For which day should I be scheduling my misdeeds?

[info]brad_chase

December 8 2005, 01:10:49 UTC 6 years ago

What's disconcerting is your last dubious action might have been letting that testimony go uncontested in the Zozo case. Hardly unethical. Whereas my actions of late... *cracks neck*

[info]alan_shore

December 8 2005, 02:37:09 UTC 6 years ago

...are grounds for excommunication. Are you boasting about this, Brad? You realize that to chop off someone's fingers you have to cut through not only flesh but bone as well.

I wouldn't, incidentally, have believed you as an FBI agent for a second. Their favored mode of communication is the growl rather than the bluster.

[info]brad_chase

December 9 2005, 15:16:26 UTC 6 years ago

Our extortion was just as effective as waving around a photo of a hooker as a cocaine table. *grits teeth* I regret causing bodily harm, but the defense of necessity justifies my actions.

Shut up, Alan. I had a good role model - and we delivered shock and awe.

[info]alan_shore

December 9 2005, 22:10:08 UTC 6 years ago

Why Brad, you just out-and-out told me to shut up. I'll be inserting my hands in my pockets right about now. For safekeeping.

Your extortion--forgive me, but as a long-time practitioner of the art, I can't help but be critical--was bungling and inept. Next time you contemplate an act of this delicacy, at least have the good sense to stop by my office and request a checklist.

*quietly* The defense of necessity does not justify your actions. The recovery of the child does.

[info]brad_chase

December 10 2005, 06:54:33 UTC 6 years ago

Only you would be extolling the values of proper technique - when committing a misdemeanor.

Exactly. You'da done the same.

[info]alan_shore

December 10 2005, 07:26:14 UTC 6 years ago

Now's no time for modesty. There was more than one committed and they were certainly felony-level offences.

Only with finesse in lieu of bloodshed. You know, for a first-time violator of ethics and transgressor of laws, you've taken this remarkably well. Was I late for the customary moral crisis?

[info]brad_chase

December 10 2005, 09:04:04 UTC 6 years ago

*now he blusters* That was an ACCIDENT. He just stuck his hand out.

There was an intervention once...

[info]alan_shore

December 10 2005, 15:03:34 UTC 6 years ago

And you just so happened to be wielding an axe.

*raises an eyebrow* A paramilitary intervention?

[info]brad_chase

December 12 2005, 04:38:12 UTC 6 years ago

Minor miscalculation.

There was no proof of a kidnapping!

[info]alan_shore

December 12 2005, 05:05:17 UTC 6 years ago

Gosh, for a major miscalculation I suppose you'd require the use of a nuclear weapon.

*stares* That was an evasive statement about a possible crime. One made by you.

[info]brad_chase

December 12 2005, 05:14:08 UTC 6 years ago

*glares* Keep your remarks within the realm of... plausible deniability.

Oh, now you want me to be straight with you. I have buddies that are highly trained - now retired - who rescue people. So, yes. It was.

[info]alan_shore

December 12 2005, 05:30:00 UTC 6 years ago

*shakes his head* I don't want you to be straight with me. I do harbor a passing interest as to whether you ever were.

[info]brad_chase

December 12 2005, 06:29:53 UTC 6 years ago

Rest assured, I've been above board with you. Keep in mind, the need to know rule applies between us.

Why, for petes sake, would you question that?

[info]alan_shore

December 12 2005, 13:56:34 UTC 6 years ago

In the course of this week, you've become infinitely more interesting and I don't like it.

No matter. The interest has passed.

[info]brad_chase

December 13 2005, 23:29:22 UTC 6 years ago

Self help

You reel me in with this supposed interest, then once answered, you feign indifference. Tell me something, Alan. Why is it you find aberrant behavior appealing?

[info]alan_shore

December 13 2005, 23:53:04 UTC 6 years ago

Is that an endorsement? 'You too can violate the law and the bodily integrity of a man of the cloth'?

*raises eyebrows* Because people who behave in an aberrant manner remind me of myself.

[info]brad_chase

December 14 2005, 00:09:02 UTC 6 years ago

I prefer not to dwell on the details

For a moment there I thought I heard you say I reminded you of you.

[info]alan_shore

December 14 2005, 00:15:44 UTC 6 years ago

But it was self-help?

I expected a deeper reddening of the face and perhaps some fumes emitting from your nostrils.

[info]brad_chase

December 14 2005, 00:23:29 UTC 6 years ago

It was an option. It's what Mannix would have done

Alan, you are so far beyond eccentric that I have no place yet to file you.

[info]alan_shore

December 14 2005, 00:30:58 UTC 6 years ago

You do realize Mannix isn't real. Moreover, as fictional role models go, Sherlock Holmes is far superior.

*smiles* Thank you.

[info]nancygail

December 26 2005, 22:27:03 UTC 6 years ago

Gee, duh

Both of you are excellent attorneys. I am curious, though, Brad, about one or two things. In your military past (not sure if you are still active) were you JAG? That makes sense. Why defencse? Seems to me your, ahem, charming personality, would fit in well with the DA's office.

[info]nancygail

December 28 2005, 23:58:40 UTC 6 years ago

Careful! Brad, you're up for partner. If Alan picks up anything he can use against you, he will. We need to talk, and fast.
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